Getting dragged this time was part of the healing, not the wound.
It was in a classroom. Intentional. Controlled.
In December, I showed up for a Level One Intensive weekend with 500 Rising. A few weeks prior, Kerrie Schram had introduced me to Tammy Yard-McCracken, Psy.D., LPC, SAS. Tammy mentioned that there was a spot left in this training that only runs a few times a year and it happened to be in the same county where I live and the stars seemed aligned… so I did the prerequisite work and showed up.
I truly had no idea what I had signed up for.
I had zero martial arts experience. None. Zip. Not even a single self-defense course. Instead, I had spent years dismissing (and to be honest sometimes mocking) the “kung fu” world because he had lived in it. I put everyone in the same corner he occupied. Disregarded them. Maybe held a little contempt.
But then I showed up to this room with a dozen or so women and two men. Every single one of them had extensive martial arts experience. Most were instructors who had traveled across the country to learn how to teach self-defense in a trauma-informed and truly effective way.
That weekend changed me.
The course was dynamically careful. Intentional in a way I didn’t know was possible. Emotional bonding happened quickly (face touching!) so that by day three, I could be dragged by my hair and still stay present.
The classroom learning gave me language I didn’t know I was missing. It validated things I’d been carrying quietly for years. It reframed my own story in a way that made it easier to be gentle with myself.
Healing doesn’t happen in a straight line. It starts with major ups and downs and settles into long stretches of gentle rolls. But sometimes your healing loops back and lets you touch parts of your story that you didn’t know were still hurting.
Connecting with Tammy, taking this course with 500 Rising, bringing curiosity into a space I had completely dismissed wasn’t just cathartic. It was necessary healing.
This is part of why I am sharing my personal story of thriving after domestic violence.
More to come.